June Lockhart is a client of my sister's. They have become good friends over the years and we now consider her family. Whenever June is walking on her Street in Santa Monica, pedestrians and people in cars always give her a shout out, even when she's disguised in a scarf and sunglasses. I have the same problem only usually I'm jaywalking at the time. June and her family are part of Hollywood's lore. They have three stars on the Walk of Fame. She has starred in two of America's most iconic TV shows.
One day Lindy said June and her friend Paul were going to see The Phantom of the Opera and we were invited. When June picked us up I tried not to be as inappropriate as I usually am around famous people. (Click on the label below to read the rest of the gaffes I've made)
I was bound to screw this up. At one point June leaned over the front seat and said something to me. I have no idea what it was but I do remember what I replied: "Semper Fi." Let me save you the trouble. What the fuck?
We drove for a while as June and Paul chatted up front. I leaned into my sister in the back and mumbled, "Can you believe we're in the car with Lassie's mom?"
"You do know Lassie had a canine mom, right?"
"Of course I know that; stop trying to ruin it for me. Should I ask her where Lassie is now?"
"I'm guessing she's going to say DEAD."
"STOP TRYING TO RUIN IT FOR ME."
I continued to stare at the back of June's head, lost in my reverie of LASSIE'S MOM and thinking up things I could do to my sister, like sleep with her boyfriend.
Lassie's mom was the sweetest, kindest mom. I don't think she ever punished Timmy, never said a bad word about anyone and never raised her voice in anger.
My mother: Go do your homework.
Lassie's Mom: Timmy lay down and take a nap while I do your homework.
My mother: Do your chores.
Lassie's Mom: You spent all day in school; I'll do your chores.
Me to my mother: Why can't we have a dog? A Lassie dog.
My mother: Because your father and I hate you.
Lassie's mom: Timmy, come here, we got a dog that can find you in a well if you fall in.
My mother: If we get you Lassie you'll just fall in a well and drown before she can save you.
Suddenly June slammed on her brakes. I was brought out of my reverie because we'd hit a construction area and couldn't move. June turned right and then left but we were not making any progress. We went up and down the same streets many times, but we couldn't get to the theater. Then June turned one corner and came smack up against an even bigger construction blockage.
"FUCK!" she yelled.
Now that's a perfect mother.
End of dog chat.
