Sunday, August 15, 2010

How To End Your Summer With Me Still Talking To You

-Stop complaining about the same things over and over and over. I can’t fix it. If I could, I’d fix all the things I complain about over and over and over.

-Stop talking about the same things over and over and over. When I turn on TV I can't even watch reruns.

-Make up your mind in less than three days. As fascinating as the difference is between ecru and taupe, your equivocation gets on my last available nerve.

-Stop asking me what I think you should do with your life. I don’t know what I should do with my life and yours interests me even less.

-Stop asking me if you should have plastic surgery. Look in the mirror. If you don’t burst into tears, the answer is no.

-Stop asking me if you should lose weight. Look in the mirror. If you burst into tears, the answer is yes.

-Stop burdening your friends with all your issues. Do what I do and unload on strangers. For a big enough tip those bartenders will listen to anyone.

So in a nutshell:

Thanks Liss!

End of chat.

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