Once I was babysitting my sister's first dog. He had horrible skin allergies and scratched himself constantly. After hours and hours of this, I gave him a Benadryl. Then he went crazy and turned in circles for more hours and hours and I ended up having to walk him at 2:30 a.m. because I thought he just had to go outside. I found out the next day that there is doggie Benadryl and I shouldn't have given him human Benadryl. From that moment on, we called him "Mommy Tried To Kill Me."
Well Twitter Is Trying To Kill Me.
There was an expression in newsgroups, Lurk before you leap. You read what everyone is saying until you figure out all the players, inside jokes and sock puppets. THEN YOU POST. Twitter does have the option but only after you've started following people. Or they've started following you. And how will they start following you if you don't post anything? I'll say it for you, "Why does she sit around and think of this shit all day?"
Even though Twitter still has 23 million members, here are a couple of tips I've picked up from the half million people who left Twitter so far this year:
1. Do not follow people who post the same link over and over. UNFOLLOW
2. If someone's profile says they love a certain NFL team, do not assume they will talk about anything else. UNFOLLOW
3. Do not follow people who only post recipe links. UNFOLLOW
4. Do not follow people who post only words like awwwww or geeeeeeze. UNFOLLOW
5. #Hashtaggers. No one cares what you start. UNFOLLOW
6. People who post the same #hashtags over and over and OVER. STOP. UNFOLLOW
7. Do not follow people who post ENJOY. UNFUCKINGFOLLOW QUICKLY.
I haven't had a cold in 20 years and suddenly I'm on Twitter and I've got a cold. Before you think this isn't possible, Dooce also got a cold and she didn't mention where she got it. The defense rests.
It took me 3 years to start bitching about blogging. But it's taken me only a few weeks to start bitching about Twitter. This does not augur well.
And in other unrelated news, the stereo did the same thing again. I got up at 5:30 a.m. to turn off the air conditioning. When I got up 3 hours later, the stereo was on. Does my air conditioner have arms?
End of chat.
