My Summer Reading List. Only Not Really.

I grew up in a house that had a library and parents who said that if you didn't read you were doomed to a life of idiocy and shame. They also said that I shouldn't hang out with boys because boys were evil and only wanted one thing from a girl.

Shows you how much they knew.

I often try to disguise my books as something else. This tall case houses my microphone collection. I'm a standup comic, maybe you were expecting porcelain figurines instead? But those microphones are really just there to hide my 109 books about comedy.

Here I've used an assortment of vintage cars to camouflage the books. But I only started buying the cars to hide the books. Yes, I know I have a problem.

I stash my books over, under and in everything.

I pretend I need books in the kitchen:

As many books as I have, I'm still amazed at some of my purchases. For example, this one: But then I came to this chapter and said, "Oh yeah, now I remember."

This one's a no-brainer:
Now I can recognize all the pills I pick up on the floors of my friends' homes. And from their medicine cabinets. And sometimes from going through their purses. Which reminds me, please stop taking all the pills in your prescription. You're making it that much harder on me. When someone writes a book about you, you really do have to buy it:

The 3 easy steps to living longer could be eating ice cream, robbing banks and laying on the couch only I'll never know because I've never even opened this one:

If you do want a good summer read pick up If You Knew Suzy by Wall Street Journalist Katherine Rosman. It's unputdownable which, if it's not a real word, should be.

Well, I'm off to take 25% off Dad's gift. Thanks for noticing he died 10 years ago, Internet.

And also? 76% off Summer domain sales!!

And 40% off the new Stephenie Meyer book. Well, maybe I won't do that last one.

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Someone Has A Shopping Problem

The only items in this photo that I brought to L.A. from New York were the table, the kilim and the 1950's era vase.
The only thing that remains of my dining room above is the office below and yes it's the same space.

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It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

33 comments on the 'Bitch' ashtray.

I should stop writing altogether and just photograph vintage ashtrays. I can hear you thinking that would be a much better idea than me complaining each week about the long list of annoying events that exist in my personal space.

I might even agree with you. I may be turning into a kinder, gentler, more compassionate person. But God I'd be SO boring if I turned into everyone else, wouldn't I? Admit it, you come here on Fridays to see who I currently dislike and if you're on the list.

Here. Go crazy. I should have a contest to see who can guess how many items are in this ashtray but that would mean I'd actually have to go count them.

Quote of the week from my mother:

"You know what eez wrrrrong wis yourrrr back seat in zees carrrr? Eet doesn't line up with zee doorrrr."

I had no idea what she meant so without saying a word I looked over at my sister who said, "I don't know either."

Meanest quote of the week from my sister:

"Sugar tells your body to store fat."

End of chat.

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The Bitch Has Gotta Have It

After all the mess of giving a yard sale, you'd think I wouldn't be picking up anything new for a while. But I saw this ashtray for $2.00 at someone else's yard sale and couldn't resist.

I don't smoke.

But I am a bitch and will sit on your head if you get on my nerves.

I'm a delight, aren't I?

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