I just read in the New York Times that soon all-smoking flights will be available. I wish they'd do the same thing with babies. An all-baby flight, where do I sign up for that slice of heaven? I had a one year-old sitting in front of me on the last flight I took and he emitted such a piercing scream that it echoed into the depths of the universe, traversed the time-space continuum and returned back in time to make us lose cabin pressure. That kid made me miss the smokers. At least a cigarette goes out in 3 minutes.
When I gave up smoking I gained 20 pounds. If I had known that I never would have quit. Of course now I'd be dead. Thin but dead.
I gave up smoking pot 7 years ago because I know everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame and I didn't want to be high during mine. I was never a big fan of weed; it just makes you stupid. One night 4 of us were so stoned we came up with the cure for cancer. Of course, we also forgot how we did it but were convinced it had made us famous and watched as the clock ticked off 15 minutes. Or was it just 9?
It's amazing how the warnings on the side of cigarette packages don't bother people after all this time. They should change them. If the packages read SMOKING WILL MAKE YOUR DICK LIMP and SMOKING WILL MAKE WOMEN UNABLE TO SHOP it would be the total end of smoking.
I love shopping and I don't even have to buy something to feel good. I just have to GO and I get a high. Unfortunately I have no sales resistance and don't make wise decisions. Especially if someone flatters me. Years ago, a salesman said to me, "You would look good in that." So I bought it and turned that coffin into a planter. Ironically, all the plants died.
Because L.A. apartments often don't come with refrigerators, I had to buy a used one. But it didn't get that cold. It didn't even make ice. Actually it might have been a fireplace.
The recession has killed my shopping issues and now I'm just addicted to sugar. It doesn't come with any warnings, vile odors or big price tag. Of course if you need your teeth it could be a problem. But even without them I'm pretty sure I could gum a donut to death.
End of chat.
