Showing posts with label My Fashion Obsessions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Fashion Obsessions. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Ex-Boyfriends And Small Dogs Are Both Mental

This picture was taken back in the early 80's, here in California. I had been invited to an ex-boyfriend's house to meet his new girlfriend because men actually think that's something their ex-girlfriends want to do.

And I did.

A chance to judge, to mock, to talk about it later with anyone I could get on the phone, are you kidding me? WHEN DO WE LEAVE?

I was in town from New York and had my dog Kiko with me. My ex had always preferred the dog to me so what else is new.

Kiko loved anything that was as small as he was and breathed. He almost lost his eyes millions of times because he could not resist a cat. Even when they hissed at him, bared their teeth and lifted a paw to strike, Kiko would just look at me plaintively. He was like that kid at the park who can't find anyone to play with.

So we're at the ex's and someone had a baby with them. A tiny, breathing baby. So naturally Kiko went over to say hello.

I interrupt this broadcast for breaking 80's fashion news.

See the inset below of my sister's foot in those white shoes? (The actual picture is the last one in this post) Those sandals were from Giorgio of Beverly Hills. At the time they cost $198, which means they would cost about $895 today. I was with Lindy when she bought them, days before the visit with my ex, and Giorgio's, like many great boutiques, served champagne to their customers as they shopped. Alcohol and shopping go really well together. As do bankruptcy and a low FICO score.I remembered that Lindy had eventually grown tired of the shoes and given them to me. She also did this with an actor named Jack Scalia. As you can see, he was much cuter than the shoes.

It's hard to visualize but those little oval things popping up from the shoe were gold leaves. I emailed Lindy the pictures and asked her if she remembered the shoes. This is what she wrote back:

Of course I remember those shoes!!!! I just forgot that I had given them to you. You're right- they were from Giorgio's because in those days I only shopped in Beverly Hills, had a maid, had facials every ten seconds and full-served my gas tank! Those WERE the days. Did I mention that I had membership to about 1700 gyms and did Karen Voight's class every day which cost more that gym membership anywhere in L.A. in those days?

I only started saving $ when I realized that I wasn't going to live forever.

This is the difference between us. I'm not going to live forever so I double-up on my shopping. This might explain why my sister is richer than I am. But I'll be better dressed in the casket. Stop groaning, you know you were thinking the same thing.

Anyway, end of fashion news, back to the baby and Kiko. The baby, like a cat, was not amused by my dog and started pounding on his head. Babies are mean.

READ MORE - Ex-Boyfriends And Small Dogs Are Both Mental

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Third Wednesday Shoe Giveaway!

First of all, I'm the Funny Not Slutty of the week. Because I talk about all the plastic surgery I've had. What other blogger is stupid brave enough to do that?

While you're over there snickering about my former face, join their network of women in comedy.

This week I'm giving away a pair of Steve Madden patent leather lime green slip-ons. There's a zipper across the top because I'm a big fan of zippers.
See? Acrylic Zipper-Encased black bracelet, Target $12.95. (Why don't they open a Target in my apartment?) I love Steve Madden shoes** and although I only wore these two or three times, I especially loved them as I like things that are different. I don't like to blend in. I use Beige as a swear word.

Leave a comment saying you want the shoes, along with your email, no links please. Or you can find my email under my profile on the sidebar and send me your email. How many more times can I work the word email into this paragraph? Apparently one more time.

On top of not being able to wear my 4 inch heels, I can't wear any heel that is too thin. I have my ankle surgery to blame for all this and it's not a big problem and I hate to even complain about something so small but if I wasn't whining and bitching, you wouldn't even be reading this blog.

Admit it, you know that's true.

You have until 6 pm Thursday July 8th to enter. I'll use a randomizer to choose the winner and announce it a few minutes after 6. You have one week to claim your prize. Good luck!

End of chat.

**(The marks you see on the inside of the right shoe are just the camera.)
READ MORE - Third Wednesday Shoe Giveaway!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Second Pair Of Shoes Giveaway!

Free to a good home!

I have an identical pair of Westies in camel with a wooden heel, 8M. I think I may have worn them twice, probably once, as the sole is lightly scuffed but the rest of the shoe is pristine. The instep of the left one appears dirty but it's not. It looks that way because I suck at taking color pictures.

Same deal as before. Leave a comment and MENTION you want the shoes. The contest is open until 6 pm Thursday.

Leave your email in the comments if you don't know how to enable it in your blog platform. If there's no email you can't be entered as I'm not going to chase you down on your blog. I'm lazy, remember?

Check back on Thursday after 6 for the winner. You have one week to claim your prize.
READ MORE - Second Pair Of Shoes Giveaway!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

And The Winner Of The First Wednesday Shoe Giveaway Is

You read that title right. The first winner. I've decided to give away shoes for the next three Wednesdays. I'm not going to wear them and I'm tired of seeing them languish in the closet eating me out of house and home.

Which p.s. is one of the most ridiculous sayings in the English language. Aren't house and home the same thing? Or how about Niecy Nash saying "Hand over foot" on Clean House when the expression is "Hand over fist?" Or how about the ridiculous Butt Naked instead of the actual phrase, Buck Naked? I know, I know, shut up and deal.

And yes, I watch Clean House. Now you shut up and deal.

There were a total of 16 entries, out of 27 comments total, for the black and white Westies.

I listed them in the order in which they were left. Then I set up a randomizer and the lucky winner is number 9, Amberdawn! (Send me your snail mail; my email is in my profile. Also? I really want to call you Deltadawn and dear God in heaven I hope you're old enough to get that reference)

But there are 3 more Wednesdays of free shoes during which time the shipping and handling will probably wipe me out but don't worry your pretty little heads about that since I AM RICH. (Affirmation of the day)

And if you win a pair, you cannot enter again because I'm a big fat meanie.

I've always believed that the more you give, the better you feel. So if you're in a position to give, please do. Take those shoes and turn them into a thousand pairs of shoes. Start a school in Africa to teach deserving shoes that can't afford a decent education. Send those shoes to BP with a note: Kick your own fucking asses, morons.

Your friend,

Oprah Winfrey
READ MORE - And The Winner Of The First Wednesday Shoe Giveaway Is

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A Shoe Giveaway! UPDATED

I forgot to make a cutoff time/date for the shoes. My body's up but my brain has remained in bed. ANYWAY, I'll cut it off at 6pm Thursday June 24th.

Right before my ankle surgery I bought these shoes. I didn't know I needed the surgery or I wouldn't have bought them. They're black and white with a silver circle on the thicker strap.

They're made by Westies, size 8M and I have no idea why the picture below looks so weird.
They have a 4 inch heel and as you can see, they've never been worn. Thanks ankle!

I'm giving them away. If you want them, leave me a comment telling me you want them. If you leave a comment that doesn't mention that you WANT the shoes I will assume you don't want them.

I will have one of those randomizer things pick the winner (assuming there's more than 2 requests) but it's only fair to tell you I have no idea how that randomizer works or where to get one or why I even bother to get up in the morning.

Already this giveaway is more complicated than I planned. You have one week to claim your prize!

End of chat.
READ MORE - A Shoe Giveaway! UPDATED

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Well This Is Embarrassing

Remember when I posted those pictures of my jewelry drawers? Sitting right above those drawers was this, my pearl collection from my many productive years of deep sea diving.

This tableau sits above those drawers and I forgot to take a picture of it because I forgot about them.

This reminds me of the months after my ankle surgery back in 2008. I didn't put on underwear because it wouldn't go over my huge cast. So I went commando for months. Then when I finally did go back to wearing thongs I forgot I had one on and peed through it.

And for those who are curious, I did not find the Titanic in any of my dives.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Trust me; I know.
READ MORE - Well This Is Embarrassing

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I Have No Reason To Buy More Jewelry

Ever.

Seriously, ever.

I'm not kidding. No reason.

At all. None.

Maybe just these two rings.

I need help.
READ MORE - I Have No Reason To Buy More Jewelry

Saturday, February 6, 2010

When I'm 88

If I was a millionaire, and oh GOD I'm sooooooooo close, I would buy homes and decorate them all day and then fly to Milan and Paris every weekend to shop for clothes. Some lucky billionaire out there is missing an opportunity of a lifetime to have his fortune wiped out because HE HASN'T MET ME YET.

When I'm 88, as is Iris Apfel, below, I hope to God I throw caution to the closets and end up half as fashionable. This is the woman who launched one of the most persistent fashion trends of this century. Keep reading.

In the 1940s, a young girl named Iris hounded the owner of a Wisconsin Army & Navy store until he finally ordered her a pair of boy-sized denims. Her intent was to wear them with a turban and large hoop earrings. Such was an early milestone in the career of a fashion visionary and muse who quite possibly launched a trend in women’s fashion — jeans — that now represents a 10 billion dollar industry yearly in the U.S. alone.

With a personal style the New York Times described as 'controlled flamboyance,' (when I first read this I thought it said 'flatulence' and I was impressed) this New York society figure and co-founder of the legendary textile design company, Old World Weavers, has traveled the world inspiring fashion designers such as Ralph Rucci, Jason Wu and Isaac Mizrahi. She recently appeared at the top of Vanity Fair’s international best-dressed list and is featured in print ads for Coach.

Elements of Style According to Iris Apfel:

1. Never take yourself or an outfit too seriously.
2. Visit the animal kingdom.
3. Consider the clergy.
4. Travel widely.
5. Go high and low.
6. Don’t fret about your age.
7. Don’t be afraid to stop traffic.

READ MORE - When I'm 88
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