I bet you all clicked on that title faster than white on rice which is the dumbest expression I've ever heard and I don't even know how it connotes being fast. And yes, I know someone will write and tell me so why Google? (Blognut just wrote me and told me I got the expression wrong and explained it to me but now I'm just confused)
I took a face-plant 2 days ago in the middle of the night. The next morning I had RUG BURN on my face and also had Pinocchio's nose. Apparently I haven't hurt myself enough recently so I'm getting creative.
There have been many car break-ins in our neighborhood lately. I never leave anything in my car; I even remove the steering wheel and the back seat. Johnny and Carson, the married couple who live across the street, had their shiny black Pathfinder broken into because they left their GPS on the front seat. The thieves took that and the GARAGE DOOR clicker and Carson says if they come back to kill her she'll shoot first with the loaded shotgun she keeps in the house. Good to know.
So Johnny was helping me save a baby hummingbird that flew very close to me and landed in the middle of the street. As Johnny picked him up he said the thieves also took their cassette tapes and added, "Why in the world would anyone steal those?"
He walked to his house while I went to retrieve the cassette tapes from my car. My car doesn't have a DVD player and I only listen to talk radio. I threw them in my bag and went to the corner store, pulled out my wallet to pay and a cassette tape got caught and flipped onto the counter.
The kid next to me takes out his portable bullhorn and screams "DUDE, WHAT ARE THOSE? ARE THOSE CASSETTE TAPES?
"Yes, but they're very cool ones."
"LIKE WHAT?"
So of course the one on the counter was Enya and I admitted that was a little gay but I also had The Best of Marvin Gaye, Sgt. Pepper's, The Immaculate Collection by Madonna and James Ingram.
"WHO?"
"Christ on a stick, how old are you?"
"22."
"Dude, you so missed all the great music."
"DID NOT."
"DID TOO."
"DID NOT."
"DID TOO."
Then the owner told us to leave.
End of chat.
