I microwaved a Dinty Moore tub of Beef Stew. And thought it tasted good. This was from my emergency earthquake reserve, which I keep eating.
I can't stop watching Maury and Jerry Springer because I might have children out there I don't know about because the DNA results aren't in yet. I told you, Def Con 1.
Stop asking me to join Facebook. PLEASE. I hate myspace, Facebook and Twitter. I keep in touch with 2 people from high school and 3 or 4 from university. Why would I want to remain connected with kids who had no goals other than to move three blocks from where they grew up? I'm not that person, and neither are my current friends, as most of you have figured out from reading this blog. I'm not glued to the electronic zeitgeist; (lie) I went out and did things with my life, like bought DINTY MOORE for the earthquake that will make the third floor collapse on top of me before I can get to the microwave, which will not work because there will be no electricity and oh yeah, I'll be dead.
And let's not forget why I hate everyone (not you pomnot) in my high school. THEY DIDN'T LET ME IN POM-PONS. That's the picture above of me and Jamey and our fake pom-pons. Bitter, party of two.
My sister took the same path as I did WHICH MY MOTHER BLAMES ON ME. The picture below was taken in NY, the one and only time my sister Lindy played there. I hadn't seen her in a while since she'd moved to LA to follow Burt Bacharach, who she was dating at the time. She once told me she can't look at old pictures of the good ole days because it depresses her. So I found this one to see how far out on the ledge she'll walk. She played The Princess of Power, She-ra in the 80's. She was flown around the country to do meet and greets with kids and ADULT comic book freaks, who she said were creepy and asked her out. AS IF.
I was waiting on a corner in midtown when she got out of the limo and looking back now, I hope to God we both laughed. She was getting paid and I wasn't so I'm guessing she laughed while I acted all superior because I was wearing shoulder pads and not a horn of plenty on my head.
I'm sure it's apparent to you all that it was probably just as well that neither of us had children.
And here's one of my famous cooking tips. If you happen to drop beef stew juice on your counters? And don't clean them up in 10 seconds? Those drops will be harder to clean up than the Exxon Valdez. You're welcome.
End of chat.
